A wise man once said that a wizard without a beard is like a dragon without teeth – a sad and unimpressive existence.
But alas, growing a wizard beard is no walk in the park. It requires a certain level of dedication and effort.
So, before we venture on, now is the time to ask yourself, do you really have the guts? Will you endure the pain, the suffering, the itching?
It might not be easy, but believe me – it is worth it.
Can anybody grow a wizard beard?
Sure. With the right mindset I would say that just about anyone could grow some sort of a beard.
Witches can have beards too, but it is not a necessity. An orange mohawk or an impressive tattoo will do nicely.
How to begin:
Don’t shave! It will be hard and boring, and sometimes really, really itchy. You will most likely feel awkward in the beginning when strutting around with your silly, shaggy small-scale stubbles, and you’ll wonder whether you will actually end up looking like a wizard or more like some vagabond.
As the fear and doubt starts creeping in, you might begin to feel a burning desire to snatch your shaving gear and trim yourself, juuust a little bit. But refrain from this! It is important to remain calm and keep your eyes on the price.
Remember, the beginning is the hardest part. After 10-15 years it will get a lot easier.
How to speed up the process:
I can’t stress this enough: A healthy diet is very important when it comes to beard-growing. Lots and lots of walnuts and kale I tell you! Check out my recipes for inspiration.
Also, morning yoga is indispensable. It will keep you and your beard strong and flexible.
Stimulating the blood circulation has a really great effect, too. So go ahead and give your hair roots a nice massage, it will keep them alert and active. You can do this with your hands (just don’t do it when people are watching, as they will think that you are removing crumbs from your beard or something) or use a nice bamboo brush.
And last but not least, lots of exercise and weight training.
What to avoid:
Heat styling is a no-go. I know you want those dashing curls so bad, but restrain yourself!
Also, if you are very into beard-unfriendly activities like, say, surfing, I’m so sorry but you might have to give that up. Just think of the brittleness caused by salt-water and damaging sun-rays!
How to beat the intrusive giving-up thoughts:
I know it can be tough at times. As I’ve said before, this is no easy task and it takes a lot of discipline. Not everyone can handle it.
But fear not! I am here to help you.
Whenever you feel the desire to say to heck with it and shave it all off, this is what you shall do.
Position yourself in a side-plank with your dominant/shaving-hand carrying your weight. Then, slowly repeat the mantra ”I will not shave my magical beard hmmmmm” to yourself 20 times out loud. When you finish this, I promise you your arm will be cramping so bad that you won’t be able to shave for at least a couple of days. Tada!
You could also put some notes on your fridge for encouragement. Here are a few suggestions:
– ”When the growing gets tough, the tough get growing.”
– ”Beard on through to the other side!”
– ”Ummm I love vitamin B(eard)!”
– ”Only wimps have stubble”
– ”Bearded and bold – that’s what I am”
Manifestation can be helpful too. When you lie down in bed at night, take 2 minutes to imagine yourself going for a stroll in the park with a large and beautiful beard.
For encouragement, you could also draw a beard onto your bathroom mirror.
Any products I can use?:
Yes, yes, you might want to try doing a simple homemade beard-mask. I personally like to mix olive oil, coconut oil and castor oil in a bowl, and leave it in my beard for a couple of hours before washing it out. It makes your beard feel really silky.
You can also make some anti itch serums and hair root stimulating potions out of herbs and mushrooms, but there is a slight risk that your beard will turn green or orange – or both.
I do also have a spell that can make a wizard beard grow out instantaneously. But it is top secret wizard knowledge of the 15th degree, and I would have to turn you into a toad if I revealed the spell to you.
Well, that’s it. I sincerely hope that you’re well on your way to growing a very impressive wizard beard. Good luck!