Hello, hello everybody!
In life, we are sometimes faced with a cruel fact: the ones we love might not love us back. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. After all, we cannot make everybody love or even like us, it would be an impossible and frankly meaningless pursuit. We should instead focus on becoming the best version that we could possibly be of ourselves, and thereby attract like-minded… snooore.
To heck with that HA!
Recently, I was listening to some Little Mix, as I so often do, and I got inspired to share my very own recipe for a secret potion that’ll make you fall in love.
Really, this potion is quite versatile, you could use it for a multitude of different purposes… I, for one, am going to try it out on my cat, since I had little luck taming it.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, you could also take a sip of it yourself and see what happens. Be careful with the amount though, the effects, although temporary, can be somewhat embarrassing. I’m sure you can think of a few people who dipped their noses a little too far down the potion bottle.
But anyway, here is a love potion that will make even the meanest mean-girl or snarkiest mother-in-law love you to pieces.
Ingredients: (Plenty for one passionate affair)
- The juice of five strawberries
- One mushed banana
- Seeds of a passionfruit
- Five teaspoons of maple syrup
- Tears cried by yourself at the thought of your beloved’s rejection
Outfit: (Important – do not skip this part) Magical tip #2
- Pink, sparkly robes – preferably with a scent of sweet berries.
How:
Under the light of a half-moon, add the first four ingredients to a medium-sized cauldron and light a fire.
When the mixture starts to bubble, remove the cauldron from the heat. Keep stirring.
Now, think of your own pitiful loneliness and cry into the cauldron – just make sure that no snot gets into the potion (besides just being plain yucky, it could also turn the mixture into an influenza-potion, which you don’t want).
When you’ve cried your miserable tears, raise your arms up into the air and form a heart shape over your head. Spin around on the spot 14 times while continuously reciting your favourite quote from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.
When finished, let the potion cool down to about room temperature, and then strain it with a fine mesh sieve.
Now you’re ready to conquer some hearts!
Well – not just yet actually, hehe, that was just the basic concoction, there is another quite important step.
You need to show the potion whom it has to target, and you also need to prove to it that you’re serious about this. You see, love potions have a will of their own, and the entire lot of them are – of course – hopeless romantics, so if they get a hunch that you’re not absolutely soul-crushingly in love with the person you’re trying to enchant (or at least desperate to make them like you), well, the potion might backfire quite horrendously.
And as you all know, the only way to prove your unconditional love is of course to make a public spectacle.
So, what you’ll do is bottle your potion and bring it with you out in public. Then you’ll hold it out in front of you and make it clear who you are and what your business is, e.g.: “I, Arthur Pendragon, desperately love Guinevere, but she only has eyes for Lancelot.”
And then you’ll sing a song. It does not work if you try to hide it, so sing loud and clear. I would suggest some magical classics e.g. “I’m enchanted by your sparkling hat” or “The way you sneeze glitter makes me levitate”. If you don’t know any magical songs, I guess some Ed Sheeran would do nicely with a few words changed…
A good place to do this would be at your local karaoke bar or perhaps a nearby coffee shop if they’re hosting an open mic night. Audiences in these places tend to be pretty forgiving. You could also do it on the street, just prepare to get some rotten fruits thrown at you (tip: in some cases that might make the potion even stronger).
If you’re a bit of a wuss, or you live somewhere secluded in the forest with no access to masses of people, you could also just post it somewhere on the internet. But I really wouldn’t recommend it.
Once you’ve completed this step, the only thing left is to present the potion to your beloved and hope they drink it. Do. Not. Force. Them. That kills the magical effect immediately.
The potion can be stored in a cool place for up to a few days, but it is best to use it as fresh as possible, as it is an unstable, fidgety potion with an effect that tends to wear off quickly.
If you succeed in making somebody love you, congratulations! You brewed a successful potion. Good for you! If not, and your loved one ends up with the flu instead, you probably dangled your nostrils a bit too close to the cauldron.
That’s everything I’ve got for you today. I’ll just leave you with this:
The next time you’re feeling sick, remember that it was highly likely just a love-potion from a secret admirer gone wrong. Rejoice.
